DON’T JUDGE A BROTHER
I needed a permanent caregiver, but the social services agency had no nurse’s available for live-in assignments. Then the staff ran an ad in the local newspaper, only one person responded. The agency gave Daniel Webster Doe my number and suggested he call me.
When my student driver dropped me off at my home on the day of our interview, I found a rough-looking man in his fifties waiting on my front porch. He was half aging hippie, half Hells Angel; a big, burly man with long hair and a bushy beard. A leopard tattoo peeked out from under the sleeve of his faded t-shirt, and his blue jeans sagged. An old, beat-up bicycle leaned against the porch steps. Great! I thought, morosely checking our Mr. Doe’s disheveled appearance and shabby clothes. They must have advertised for a bar bouncer or a companion for a paralyzed Hell’s Angel. For a moment I regretted that I hadn’t locked my front door before leaving that morning. He’s probably already been inside and robbed me blind, I decided.
I wondered how quickly I could get rid of him. It would be impolite just to roll up to the porch and say, “Hello, nice to meet you. Please leave.” But obviously, this guy would never do.
As if to contradict my first impression of him, the huge man quickly rose and hopped off the porch when he saw the van pull in. Stepping to the side door, he lifted the door handle, reached inside, and deftly lowered the lift.
“Hello,” he said with a merry twinkle in his eye. The friendly smile beneath his beard instantly transformed him from an intimidating hulk to Santa Claus.
Starting to reach out for a handshake, he quickly shoved both hands in his pockets instead. “I’m Daniel,” he said, eyes still twinkling.
Surprising myself, I liked him instantly.
His background was as mottled as his appearance: an abused child, teenage runaway, military veteran, and former alcoholic and drug abuser, he had been married and divorced twice and had even served time in jail—the perfect companion for a completely dependent, single Christian schoolteacher trying to recover from a broken heart.
Ours was an odd-couple arrangement that somehow worked, once I finally adjusted to his shortcomings in cooking and housekeeping, I grew to admire and appreciate his more important characteristics: staunch loyalty and great dependability. Daniels’s heart was as big as his body. He would do anything for me, and never complained, no matter how many times I called him during the night.
Daniel Webster Doe was more than my caregiver for over 17yrs; he became my brother. One of his favorite lines when someone would ask about me was “I was hired from the neck down, I’m the body, he is the brain. You should as Ron.” Daniel always had my back. After Kelli and I were married, Daniel became Papa Doe. Our girls loved him and he always had a new joke to keep them laughing. He was part of our family and he celebrated all holidays and family get togethers with us.
Daniel Webster Doe left this earth in September of this year. He now enjoys a better place, and there’s no doubt in my mind he’s been hugging on my mama in heaven. He loved Jesus and was not afraid to tell you God is your only hope. I will miss him more than I could possibly express, for nobody in my life can or ever will be able to replace this wonderful man and his amazing friendship.
It freaks me out to think I could’ve missed out on Daniel’s life based on my preconceived external biases. I am so glad I got to know him before responding to my initial evaluation. I can’t help but wonder how many Daniel Does I have rolled on by. My brother and sister, I encourage you to take a moment and allow yourself the opportunity to prove your preconceived ideas wrong. Get to know a person from the inside out. Let’s not make judgment calls before we give a relationship a chance. “Everyone is once a stranger.”
To become a partner of the “quad squad”